I treat people lovingly, whether they deserve it or not.
If I make the love that’s in me dependent on somebody else, then I’m losing control over what’s so important to me.Jack Barsky
Jacks’s words made me reflect on how most of us love.
Not just in marriage…but in life.
We love in response.
We love when people are kind, when they show up, when they meet our expectations.
And when they don’t…
we pull back.
We protect.
We give less.
As if love is something we give only when it’s earned.
But what if love was never meant to be a reaction?
What if it was meant to be a decision?
The moment your love becomes dependent on someone else’s behavior,
you hand over control of something deeply yours.
Now, bring this into marriage.
Over time, couples start loving less not because they have less love…
but because they are reacting more.
“If they don’t show up, why should I?”
“If they don’t make the effort, why would I?”
And slowly and gradually , love becomes conditional.
Measured.
Transactional.
Until both people are waiting for the other to go first.
But what if love in a relationship was not a reaction…
but a way of being?
This doesn’t mean you tolerate everything.
It doesn’t mean you abandon boundaries or self-respect.
But it does mean this:
👉 You don’t let your partner’s moment define your capacity to love.
Because the strongest relationships are not built on perfect behavior.
They are built on two people who choose, again and again,
who they want to be in the relationship.
And maybe the question shifts from:
“Do they deserve my love right now?”
to:
“Who do I choose to be in this marriage regardless?”